Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Football Knowledge


The World Cup is happening at the moment, which isn’t news to anyone because it’s everywhere you turn, and I feel compelled to join in the hoo-ha. I mean I might as well, I’m getting a match-by-match update from Facebook anyway. My mother once said that even people who don’t normally like football enjoy the World Cup, but I’m yet to experience that for myself.
Anyway, I thought I’d share with you my knowledge of the subject that is football. I won’t lie, I was scraping the bottom of the barrel by number four.
1)     The goalie wears a different coloured shirt from the other footballers, presumably so people know he’s the goalie. But this should be obvious, if he wasn’t why would he be stood in the goal? It’s the only thing on the pitch besides the ball so there’s no way someone could accidently wander into it.
2)      The manager is often a big out of shape looking, which makes me thinking coaching is mainly do as I say not as I do.
3)      Football boots are like trainers with studs on the bottom, which means they’re trainers or, at a push, shoes but definitely not boots.
4)      Even with my limited viewing I’ve never seen a football team have oranges at half time, which makes me wonder where all that started.
5)      Coco-Cola sponsors a lot of football things, which is bloody ironic.
6)      Men believe they can control the players on the screen by shouting at them.
7)      For something that should be a stress relieving, relaxing pastime (it’s just watching TV after all, for most fans) it gets ridiculously violent.
8)      Gone are the days when ‘it’s the taking part that counts’. But I guess you’re not being paid £stupid to play for the craic.
9)      It gave us David Beckham, say what you want I’d be happy to watch him run around for 90 minutes. But only if there’s no clothes and two balls on the pitch.
10)   The Americans call it soccer, because their football is a bit like our rugby and because they can’t speak English properly. You can’t change the ‘s’ to ‘z’ in a word, drop your ‘u’s and make up a few words then call it a new language. No, sorry, either put in the effort or accept you’re speaking English.

"Ah-ha! Not such a wholesome, innocent snack now am I?!"


Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Trashy Celebrities

Do you remember the good old days when people were famous for contributing to society in some way? They entertained people, did amazing things or somehow made the world a little more interesting.
Now fast forward to the modern day, where people can be famous for a sex tape or being part of a family. What is wrong with society that people know the names of these vapid, undeserving people but truly deserving individuals are still unheard of?
And why? Because they're not sexy enough. No one wants to talk about some man who helps a load of starving kids in Africa but lots of people want to know what clothes (I use the term loosely) Rihanna is wearing. The same goes for Paris Hilton, who is mostly known for being a partying slut. But people like her because that's what she has built her image on. She, and many others, build their status on how big their boobs are and how many pictures of their fanny they can get in a magazine.
What is wrong with us that we reward these people, who set a terrible example for young women, with money and attention. What they stand for it a continuation of a society that sees women as objects. Things to play with then dispose of. And yes, the ones in charge of it all may humour us now and then by keeping the sexism below the table (along with their hands creeping up our thighs) but nothing has really changed in their eyes. The rules are different but the game is still the same. The negative portrayal of women in the media only supports this and tricks younger or less aware women into thinking that this attitude is acceptable.
It disgusts me to think girls are growing up more worried about their fake tan and whether they're enough like the porn stars their boyfriends masturbate to than getting an education and making their mark on the world by doing something amazing. Something like opening a successful business like Anita Roddick did with the Bodyshop. Or J K Rowling who wrote the famous Harry Potter series. Or Marie Cure, a female scientist, who was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize. These are the women girls should be aspiring to be.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

20 Great Things about Great Britain

1) The public transport, yes we may moan but compared to rural Ireland it's amazing here.
2) The humble scone.
3) We still have a jolly old Queen.
4) The majority of us accept everyone no matter their colour, sexual orientation or background. Except for those few wankers.
5) We have the words 'wanker' and 'bollocks' and the brilliant phrase 'oh bloody hell'
6) We gave the world Hugh Grant and Colin Firth *Mr Darcy fantasy*
7) No matter what, we moan. We take delight in complaining and if anything it seems to make us happier.
8) Great British weather in all its 'glory'
9) The pound coin, one massive middle finger to the Euro
10) We're thought of as well mannered by the yanks, but really we're all pint 'n' chips
11) We go out clubbing dressed as if it's Benidorm.
12) For 99% of the year we have to wear a coat when we're on the beach
13) Fish and chips. The best takeaway there is.
14) The best girl group there ever was: The Spice Girls
15) We sure can throw a party, even if we overdo it on the bunting
16) We churn out some great comedy shows such as 'The IT Crowd', 'The Inbetweeners' and even 'Father Ted'.
17) A lot of us have nice teeth, no matter what the rest of the world thinks.
18) No matter where you are you'll be able to find a pub.
19) The NHS and the people who work for it. Especially the unsung, underpaid heroes like the nurses and ambulance drivers.
20) The diversity of people, cultures and beliefs that come together to make a rich and varied life we can all enjoy.