4) Not dying until you're really, really old. This sounds pretty good, but imagine it. You're in your 90s, your children and grandchildren are a bit rubbish and never visit. All your friends are dead and your partner passed a decade ago. You only have the care home's nurse to talk to, and she's busy she's got a lot of people to look after. She's not paid enough and basically isn't in the mood for chit chat. So all your days are filled with is a bit of TV and the highlight of your week is Saturday night bingo.
3) Dying in a safety video. In primary school we were shown different safety videos so we wouldn't walk into the combine harvester. There'd be a group of kids (unsupervised while around dangerous equipment, something tells me we need to show these videos to parents) running around, all fun and games, until one fell in the river. Or there was the one where they took an old boat they found out into a lake but the boat had a hole in it and that was not good. I think one fell off the roof into the path of a tractor.
2) Death by chocolate. As in eating so much you can no longer clean yourself, walk or live. I really don't understand those people.
1) Falling into the slurry pit. For those of you who aren't knowledgeable about farming the slurry pit is where all the poo goes when it falls between the slates in the cow shed. Then, every so often, a man comes and uses a massive pipe to suck it all up and it gets spread onto the fields. There's a trapdoor that is used to access it and Grandad always warned me to stay well away in case I fell in and drown. In poo.
|Oh cake, I can't stay mad at you|