Friday, 19 October 2012

5 Ways Technology is Ruining my Life

1) I almost give myself a stress induced heart attack every time I use PayPal. I find the website so frustrating, if it's not ridiculously long waiting periods then it's issues with transferring cash because, oh yeah, the website is trying to give me a mental breakdown. Well, mission accomplished.
2) I turn to the internet for advice and end up feeding paranoia. My pulled muscle is actually the first symptom of leg-falling-off syndrome. Or maybe that person I thought was being off with me actually does hate me. Oh, and let's not forget ten different answers to the same, simple question that extends my essay writing time by an hour.
3) I waste hours of my life, which I will never get back, on Facebook and Twitter which, c'mon let's face it, aren't going to lead to any accomplishments. Unless you count social hermit as a Girl Guides' badge.
4) I can't spell a lot of words because I'm so used to right clicking them. I DO A LEVEL ENGLISH...COMBINED! (it sounds like a marginally more dire situation now, right?)
5) Staring at my phone for too long actually messes up my vision, like I'll go to look long distance and my eyes need time to re-adjust to 'real life resolution'. But I keep on reading the Guardian anyway.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Happiness

One of my favourite teachers, actually Ian's never going to see this...so Hugh starts his lessons with interesting questions that can be asked in university interviews. One of them was 'can you measure happiness?'. I think you can, in fact I reckon you can do a 1-10 scale of happiness.

1- Fresh bedding.
2- Christmas smells.
3- Gloves on a cold day.
4- Fish and chips with plenty of vinegar on a cold evening.
5- Kissing someone you fancy, or kissing someone you met 5 minutes and 7 vodkas ago.
6- Starbucks coffees (only placed 6 because the high only lasts 15 minutes-ish)
7- The sound of a bottle of wine opening.
8- Those inside jokes you have with friends which make no sense to anyone else.
9- The sound of wine being poured into a glass.
10- Seeing old friends and family, and enjoying a bottle of wine.

Well, that's my scale anyway. It's actually harder to write what makes me the least happy and the middle level of happy than the filler.

Dey turk er happiness!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

10 Bad Starts to a Personal Statement

It's the time of year where some of us are getting our heads down and writing the dreaded UCAS personal statement. I was once told the first sentence is the most important, which is a lot of pressure for a sentence. I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what to start with, so I thought ruling out what not to say might help.

1) I've wanted to go to Sterling University ever since I found out it was the cheapest place to buy a pint.
2) I want to get blinding drunk every other day and not be called an alcoholic, so I thought becoming a student was a good solution to that.
3) I've looked at the ratio of men:women, then made deductions for the gay, the unattractive and the undateable, this information has proved invaluable for my top 5 universities.
4) I really like drinking and causal sex, this seemed like my best option.
5) Freshers week, 'nuff said.
6) I don't want to grow up yet, university is a way to put off all the responsibilities.
7) I don't want the 10% student discount in some of my favourite stores to end and I'm not clear on whether it's illegal to forge an NUS card. (yes I am, I'm on the union)
8) I've wanted to go to university ever since a tramp in the bus station turned to me and said "we're alike you and me".
9) I've had a passion for law ever since I was a child and I know that a career in law will satisfy me fully in working life. (Read: bullshit, bullshit, bullshit) (Actually, read: I want to make bucket loads of money for my expensive hookers and cocaine habits)
10) I want to go to university because God told me to.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Lady Gaga Fat?

Recently there were some unflattering pictures of Lady Gaga published with accusations of her piling on weight. I've gone away and done my research, so yeah I Googled it, and this is my view.
As you may know I've already got a blog post about Lady Gaga (http://coffeexandxcake.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/free-advise-for-lady-gaga.html) where I encouraged her to eat a bit more (and wear a bit more) so it's obvious I already thought she was too thin. It was when 'Born This Way' was released that I really looked at her body and thought she'd gone too far with her weight loss.
Then I saw those 'fat' pictures of her. Okay, she doesn't look great in the photos, I won't lie. But mainly because they're all from unflattering angles, if you bother to Google them she's not posing for the camera in any. Before we go poking the fat pole at her let's keep three things in mind:
1) We all have bad photos of ourselves which makes us look like porkers, in fact my old phone would make anyone look a stone heavier.
2) Lady Gaga is constantly photographed so there's more bad photos of her out there.
3) Paparazzi want to get bad photos of her, because then magazines can sell issues about how fat she is to us gullible fools!
Looking at the photos with a pinch of salt I can see that yes she has put weight on, but no she's not gained three dress sizes. Something has to be up with them because according to Google there's little more than two weeks between these photos (exact dates can be hard to find).



Now if we can compare the pictures on the right, which are from a shoot she did to prove she's not the hippo she's been made out to be, to her in 'Born This Way' and the ones I've seen when I Googled 'Lady Gaga thin' (I don't want a blog post full of pictures, this isn't Tumblr) there's a whole woman of difference. Honestly, it's amazing.
Another interesting thing is one website claimed she'd gained 30lbs while another claimed she'd gained 25lbs. Both had the same picture of her on the site. And, even more noteworthy, there's not a woman alive who's going to be singing her weight gain to everybody. We just don't do that. Loss? Yes. Gain? NO!
All I can say is after looking at those photos she's posted I think she's looking a lot better than before. She still has a lovely figure without looking like a strong wind will take her away. I hope she doesn't go crazy because of all this press and start some horrible crash diet. We all remember what happened to Britney.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Mundane Reality

It's week four of college and now we've settled back into our routine. People have started taking days off, I've stopped caring whether my t-shirts are meant to be worn by men and the weather has take a turn for the worse(er).
I've already been struck by some horrible illness, which is an over dramatic way of saying I have a sore throat and headache. I mentioned it today and four people told me I've looked tired and run down lately. I only started feeling ill yesterday! Honestly, what's the point in buying £23 foundation to still look a mess?! YES CLINIQUE I'M DIRECTING THAT QUESTION AT YOU!
Today seems like a bit of a write off anyway, I can't concentrate on any of my work so I'm going to relax with some take-out pizza and a few cans of Guinness. It's all swings and roundabouts in my life.

The way to my heart is through a bad pun
(you may have guessed)