Thursday, 25 April 2013

SEVENth Heaven

I'll miss the feeling of getting off an early morning train and joining a sea of people. They all have direction and purpose. Everyone is clock-watching. It makes you feel more important for being there.
Even though I only use the trains to go to college, it's nice to have that feeling of what time is is? Do I have time for coffee? Ugh, no, the line. I'll be late. C'mon! Move! Some people!! We don't all have the time to walk 2 MPH!!!! 
It might be hectic and stressful but it's weirdly satisfying to know that I'm walking with people who are thinking the same thing and feeling an identical level of agitation. More specifically, it's comforting to know I'm not the only person to consider using a Metro as a weapon.
Which brings me onto how much I'll miss the Metro! I love reading Nemi on a morning. I know I can read it online, but that's not the same. And 'How To Speak Cat'! Ohhhhhh! And Danny Wallace's articles! And, the news too...I guess.
I'll even miss those yellow and orange tickets clogging up my purse.

The home of two Starbucks!

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

I've got Love for You if You were Born in the EIGHTies

Everyone knew this would have to place somewhere on the list, but I honestly cannot stress how much I will truly miss this. It's the epitome of being British. It is...fish and chips.
The glorious smell when you walk towards the fish and chip shop, the delight of being handed a warm parcel, getting home and unwrapping it, and letting the aroma fill the kitchen. Sloshing vinegar all over with a good bit of salt, before carefully squirting ketchup onto the side of the plate for dipping (I never was the 'all over' type). Eating a chip with your fingers before taking up your knife and fork to begin the feast. Ohhh, it's a beautiful thing. My family have bonded so much over those silent moments, broken only by offerings of bread and low mmm sounds. Crispy batter and tangy vinegar, when it's done right it's no longer a meal. It is an experience.


Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Small Penis Syndrome

King Lear, a famous play by Shakespeare. We know the characters (assuming you've read it/seen it/browsed the York Notes in Waterstone's) and there's not much new you can say about it. Edmund the illegitimate son, very angry, no mercy and a bit of a bastard (his word, not mine).
Edmund's angry throughout the play, whether it's daddy issues or trying to beat his little brother it's safe to say his home life is troubled. Then there's the whole 'plotting against the ruler of the kingdom' thing. Edmund isn't happy creating trouble at home, no, he has to go and mess with Britain. And we have the two women that, instead of choosing from outright, he leaves hanging on until one dies.
Edmund is clearly suffering from small penis syndrome. Take the women for example, the true reason he doesn't make a move on Goneril may be that she'll take one look and decide to go back to her reasonably sized husband. Then she might tell Regan, because women talk, and Regan might decide to find a strapping soldier to have her wicked way with. There's constant animal imagery surrounding these women during the play, assuming this stretches to the bedroom it's going to take a beast to please them.
Then there's Edgar, his brother, who Edmund has a massive problem with. The only thing he's done is be legitimate...or is it? Edgar may have some impressive apparatus stored in his tights. The explanation is his legitimacy means the gods have blessed him in this way, as a reward to his parents for putting a ring on it (although, obviously not a condom). Therefore Edmund's small size can be seen as a punishment, even a  warning to the audience against milking the cow before you buy it. This also explains why Edmund is so cruel towards his father, his bed hoping is the cause of Edmund's misery.
Taking over the kingdom is Edmund's attempt to get over his size issues as, let's face it, who cares about inches when you've got power? If he took partial control over Britain women would fall at their knees. Edmund could feel at ease with himself and all would be dandy. Of course, it didn't work out that way but that's Shakespeare for you!

Number Nine, Feelin' Fine

Number nine in the countdown of things I will miss about Leeds is the Yorkshire accent. It's the only place where you get to say the 'c word' instead of couldn't and no one notices and/or cares. Grannies say it, kids say it, personally I go out of my way to say the things I 'cunt do'.
Besides from a childish gratification of listening to swears there's the classic dropping of 'the'. Where are you going? T'shop. Yorkshire's not fancy, up here we make do with one letter and by God we like it!
Like anywhere, the Yorkshire dialect has its own slang. I'll miss those words springing up in conversation. Do you know how confusing it was to learn what a collop was?! Now, unless I have to translate for a Yorkshire person at a fish and chip shop, all that knowledge will go to waste!

I can buy Yorkshire puddings anywhere, but
they still deserve a mention

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

The Countdown Begins!

As some of you know, my days in Leeds are limited. There are only 10 weeks left of me staying in this city and they're flying by. Always one for looking for a blogging opportunity, I'm starting a countdown of the ten things I'll miss about Leeds. A weekly one, as not to overload myself with grief. Obviously.
Let's get started then! At number ten, I'm going to miss the feeling of no matter where you are you're never more that 20 paces from a Greggs. I don't even like Greggs. But Leeds does. Leeds flipping loves a Greggs. And Greggs does hold good childhood memories of sausage rolls and gingerbread men.
This also extends to never being far from a Starbucks, there are only 3 in Belfast. THREE! Leeds has TWO in the train station alone! On the bright side, all that extra walking to get a coffee can justify going venti.

Everyone loves a sausage roll!