1) We should do away with all the law, just scrap it, so I don't have to learn endless Acts, sections and paragraphs! Section 1 (1) says this, Section 1 (2) says that, I say let's go old school and bring back the Ten Commandments. They covered pretty much everything.
2) The time in my life when I most want a drink, to alleviate the stress of is this a complex or compound-complex sentence?, I can't drink. For many sensible reasons, the main of which is it erases memory and that just makes the problem worse. I'm still buying booze. It's literally stacking up.
3) Danny Mac, the gorgeous 'Dodger' from Hollyoaks, is going to be at Oceana on the 31st of May. Where will I be? Locked in a bare room with a naked light bulb swinging overhead, my eyes stapled to King Lear. This is not fair. And I bet he takes his shirt off, he always takes his shirt off! Argh!
4) Every time I read King Lear it has the same ending. Okay, fine, for the first two maybe three reads but it's getting incredibly monotonous. I know exactly what's going to happen when he divides his kingdom (excrement hits the oscillating cooling device) and no matter how much I yell at the book he still does it and he still ends up on the heath with me sighing and half watching Jeremy Kyle.
5) I've begun to bribe myself using similar bribes to the ones I was given as a child. Okay, not bribes 'parenting'. For example, "you can have some sweets when you finish your homework" (I was eight, bonbons were a great motivator). Now I say to myself "you can go to Starbucks if you finish this essay". I'm not sure whether I should be more worried that I'm effectively talking to myself or that I've separated myself into two beings. Either way I get a cappuccino.
|Always topless, lovely and topless.|