Sunday, 19 January 2014

Hangover Guide

We all have a few too many sometimes and end up with a sore head, a sore stomach and a pool of regret (and also maybe vomit). Here's a plan for the morning after the night before.

Water duuuuh, like c'mon guys this one isn't new. Best thing is to have a pint of water before you go to bed...but let's face it you were probably too drunk for that.
Soluble aspirin because it gets into your system faster than a tablet.
Vow you'll never drink again until next weekend/Tuesday.
TV, bed and a friend to distract yourself from all those new shameful memories.
Ice. You will literally want to blow William Cullen for making this possible. Apply liberally to head, face and tongue.
The dirtiest fry-up you can find preferably cooked by someone else. Remember the golden rule though, if you're too hungover to stand you're too hungover to eat, before making a trip to your favourite greasy spoon. If you're a regular big drinker it's worth getting a boy/girlfriend so you always have someone to cook for you.
More water.
The Simpsons easy watching for your pickled brain. Beware the film, paying attention for an extended amount of time isn't going to help that headache.
Yet more water.
Crisps (preferably cheese and onion) for if you weren't able to manage a fry-up. Open a family sized to avoid making decisions about opening that second packet and the impending guilt for having opened that second packet.
Fanta (preferably orange)
Pyjamas because you suffered through tight clothing the night before. Your flab needs to be free! Enjoy a day of no underwear.
An early night. The earlier you go to bed the sooner you can wake up without a hangover.

And even more water

Thursday, 2 January 2014

Lose Weight Not Your Mind

It's post-Christmas and the skinny jeans are tight, tighter than they're meant to be. In fact they should be called chubby jeans. That means it's diet time. But if that Terry's Chocolate Orange is eyeing you up and you feel like just one lick wouldn't hurt stop. Breathe. Keep reading.
First things first, why have you still got all those chocolates in the cupboard? You're only tempting yourself. Okay, I understand there's still people visiting at this time of year but there's no need to hoard half of Tesco's confectionery aisle. Throw it out or give it away. Do not hide it from yourself it's impossible. You will wake up the next day surrounded by wrappers and shame.
Next, have a good look in the mirror. Don't deceive yourself. It's not pretty but it's there. The sign of seasonal indulgence, AKA 7lbs too many.
Don't try to change your whole routine, don't try to live off cabbage soup, don't crash diet, don't buy a gym membership if the only sweat you break is at the thought of people seeing you in Lycra. Do try to do it with a friend, do try exercise DVDs if you're gym-shy, do use those cookbooks your granny gave you three Christmases ago, do sign up to a weight loss group if you need help but only have skinny friends or friends in denial, do enjoy your food!!!

Don't be afraid of a little bit of chunk either