Sunday, 18 May 2014

Low-Calorie Wine: A Godsend or a Con?

Wine is lovely (if it's not mix it with some Ribena) but at around 600kcals a bottle (and come on ladies, we drink the full bottle) it's cancelling out any weight loss you're trying to achieve. And yes, I am assuming most of you are trying to lose weight because aren't we all?
The other day I picked up a bottle of light wine. For those who don't know, this is a lower calorie wine. Sounds amazing right? Well, everything has a catch and light wine's is it has half the alcohol of regular wine. The particular one I picked up was 5.5% and I bought it specifically because I didn't want to get drunk, I just wanted something to drink.
The wine itself went down easily with a lighter taste than some of the £3 taste crimes I've bought in my student life. Of course, the bottle didn't get me drunk, it was barely more alcoholic than WKD, but I got a bit of a buzz nonetheless.
The verdict? If you enjoy a single glass of wine on an evening switching to light wine might be a diet-friendly way of keeping your tipple. However, if the girls are coming over I recommend sticking to the over 8% stuff to extract the most giggles and sch-kandal.

I prefer to drink straight from the bottle, with a straw though.
Because I'm classy. 

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Swipe Right for My Tinder Experience (or lack of)

I never thought Tinder would be the place I'd find love, or even a boyfriend. The most I was hoping for was a whirlwind romance to fill the space between exams and going back to Galway. What I got was a steaming pile of disappointment.
After 2 hours of staring at my tablet, breaking only to gulp down more wine, I swiped right about 5 times. Are my standards impossibly high? It's up to you to decide, here's some of my main reasons I for thinking you belong in on the left.
Firstly, because I was new to this, I had no filter. And I didn't figure out how to reset that until 63 year old Roy popped up (sorry Roy). I also didn't realise you could see more photos for the first 45 minutes (I never listed apps as one of my CV skills) so I rejected many rather than play cute guy roulette in group snaps.
And the rest? I either knew you, and thought it was less awkward to swipe left, or you looked like an asshole.
Anyone who was pouting was swiped left. Anyone in a sleeveless shirt in a nightclub was swiped left. Anyone who appeared to be wearing fake tan was brushed to the left. Anyone with a bio that sounded like it could be written by a Geordie Shore cast member was firmly sweeped to the left. Anyone posing with African children/their car/on top of a mountain was shoved to the left (not that I have anything against African children, cars or mountains. All those guys just looked like hipster asses when they were next to them).
Of course, my own photos probably don't represent me properly. But I felt a pic of me in my pyjamas, juggling 3 cats and a bottle of wine, with my best friend applying a facemask might be too intimidating...or bring some fetish weirdos out of the shadows.
So what now? I'm going to go back to the good old fashioned method of getting hammered and scoping the bars for talent. See you there, ladies and gents.


Monday, 5 May 2014

Hangover Realisations that Make You Want to Die

The morning after the night before can be a tough time. Especially if any of these apply...

1) You have to prise your eyes open because you went to bed in full make-up thinking it wouldn't matter. It's not opposite world, it does matter.
2) There is no water, anywhere.
3) Remembering any conversation from the night before.
4) You have sent multiple texts since 10pm and, oh sweet baby Jesus, there is an unaccounted for phonecall.
5) You gave out the shift more than your name.
6) Shots, in any form. Not taking them, not having an empty bottle of them by your bed, just that they exist is enough.
7) Remembering that you picked last night to develop a catchphrase and anyone who met you will forever associate you with being that person.
8) You have 20 facebook notifications. No one should ever have 20 facebook notifications.
9) You thought you were gorgeous/a stud muffin last night, photographic evidence reveals a pure munter.
10) Your far more sober friend saw everything you said and did and will recount this information to you as soon as your ears stop ringing from a combination of club music and loudly singing in the streets.