Wednesday, 15 October 2014

50 Reasons I Swiped Left

1) His picture is obviously him and his ex-girlfriend.
2) His picture is him and his current girlfriend.
3) I would tower over him like the BFG.
4) He's wearing more fake tan than me, i.e. he's wearing any fake tan.
5) There's more edited gym shots that Pure Gym's homepage.
6) There's only one photo of him and you can't see his face; I'm not prepared to take that gamble.
7) Bio reads an inspirational quote by a famous figure.
8) Bio is misspelled (if you can't be arsed to spell check you probably can't be arsed to let me finish first).
9) Any boy posing with a baby - either he's broody or is trying to use a minor to score.
10) His name is too similar to mine.
11) He has murderer eyes.
12) He's wearing a sleeveless shirt, during the day, in Belfast. Obviously devoid of common sense, he'll catch his death.
13) Dick shots.
14) Obvious drug addict.
15) Outdated photos, I can see that 'Happy NYE 2012' banner you know. I want to know what you look like this year.
16) His pictures all feature him doing some kind of outdoor activity. I find getting out of bed on a Monday morning akin to climbing a mountain but you actually climbed a mountain? 
17) I know him.
18) He's ginger - it wouldn't be fair to deprive the world of two redheads. We're rare and therefore must be spread out as much as possible.
19) It's all holiday shots of LADS ON TOUR.
20) He's posing with impoverished children purely to get pussy.
21) Ditto with a sedated tiger.
22) Ditto with a flash car. I also suspect the car is rented.
23) Babyface.
24) The display picture doesn't even have a human in it.
25) He's pouting, no ...just no.
26) The guy's naked.
27) There's a sock on it.
28) He's 69ing whilst standing up - I don't deal with headrush well.
29) Tractors feature anywhere in his photos.
30) He's prettier than me.
31) Tinder is showing me the same guy twice. Why do you do this Tinder? No means no.
32) My hand slipped, NOOOOOO, Tinder bring the cute boy back!!!
33) Any boy who's posing with children that he actually created. I am so not ready to be a crappy step-mum.
34) His bio is full of sexist BS that's meant to show he puts women 'in their place'. Here's my place, away from you.
35) It's selfie-central, read: vain betch.
36) He has so much muscle he no longer has a neck or he's thinner than me.
37) Hilarious photos of him pulling sex poses with the lads. We don't know each other well enough for me to see this. Save it for the fourth date.
38) He's too good to be true. Oh, you're a bodybuilding cat enthusiast with a six pack and your own coffee shop? BUUUUULL.
39) IQ of a button. A dull button.
40) He's holding a weapon, either type.
41) The man is clearly lying about his age.
42) The child is clearly lying about his age. WHY ARE YOU ON TINDER SCOPING FOR 20 YEAR OLDS???
43) He's been far too honest. Some things are best left for an awkward first date.
44) He has a beard that looks like it's made of iron wool.
45) I've had a bad day and just need to reject some people to make myself feel better.
46) Too rapey.
48) The photos have obviously been stolen from a Google 'attractive models' search.
49) His bio looks like it was written by throwing magnetic letters on a fridge and seeing what sticks.
50) I've been staring at my tablet so much I'm in a zombie-like state so I'm not really seeing these men anymore.


Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Review: Bootea 14 Day Teatox

What it is: 14 day programme designed to maximise weight loss as well as rid the body of nasty toxins.

What's in the kit? 14 'Daytime Detox' teabags and 7 'Bedtime Cleanse' teabags.

Morning Tea: The tea had a pleasant taste (although who cares about taste if it works?) and was a relaxing way to start my mornings. I really liked that it was loose tea in a nylon bag as loose tea can be messy, especially if you don't own a tea strainer. It claims to increase your metabolism and suppress your appetite, and amazingly it follows through! I found myself less tempted to snack during the cleanse and cravings for sweet and fatty foods were reduced.

Bedtime Tea: This tea isn't as tasty as the morning one, but it was drinkable. Its aim is to cleanse your body of built up toxins which is meant to help excess calories from being stored. It also rids you of excess water weight.

Restrictions: Bootea's website has a free eating plan designed to maximise your results, and there's no fear about going hungry. If you're looking for maximum results Bootea recommends avoiding meat and poultry. Alcohol must also be avoided - I know this can seem a bit much but if you can't go sober for 14 days you have bigger problems than a few extra pounds.
Please bear in mind Bootea is only effective if you follow the rules. Nothing, repeat nothing, is going to magically work if you're eating pizza 24/7.

My Verdict: My body took a little time to get used to the teas. For a few days I had stomach cramps that completely put me off eating in the evenings...which I guess is a pretty effective weight loss tool.
I lost 4lbs, which I was delighted by, but the real benefit of Bootea to me was the the healthy feeling I got by following the programme. It was tough (especially when free shots were on offer) but I was full of energy by the end of it and my skin was flawless.
I think the most powerful effect Bootea has is a mental one. I found that because I had a plan and rules I was stricter with myself than if I'd just decided to go on a diet. Bootea is definitely a good idea for anyone who finds themselves being won over by the offer of takeaways and goodies.

Where to buy: You can purchase directly from the Bootea website where a 14 day kit will set you back £19.99 + £3.99 P&P (£5 for Europe, Canada and America) or from Holland & Barrett for £19.99/€26.99. I ordered from the latter as P&P was free (click here for the Irish link).

Refunds: Bootea don't offer a satisfaction guarantee so the only way you can get a refund is if your products are unopened. However, following the diet alone should result in weight loss so if you don't lose weight during a Bootea cleanse it's highly likely the biscuit tin is to blame.

Bootea